Ever feel completely swamped? Like life isn’t letting up? That has totally been me lately. Hence the reason I haven’t posted in a while. Let me back up and explain. (Warning: lots of ranting is coming…but it is my blog and I can do that )
The summer is always a beast at the Robertson house. It is my husband’s busy season. He has concerts, plays, and events all summer long…almost every night of the summer. Most of these events don’t start until 8:00 so he doesn’t come rolling in until 8:30 at the earliest. This is hard. Always has been. I didn’t care for it when we dated and I don’t care for it now. It is like Drew Barrymore says in Fever Pitch, “I already know I like Winter Guy. It is Summer Guy that broke my heart.” That is totally how it is around my house. Not so much heart break but loneliness and frustration. I like my husbands job (don’t quote me on that), it definitely has it’s perks, but I really dislike it at the same time. All year long there are concerts, events, and plays. That means all year long he works long hours. It is a non-profit so all year long I deal with a husband who is constantly worried about where the money is coming from. He is the head honcho who feels like he can’t leave the joint or it is going to struggle…meaning it is really tough to take a vacation. It is a non-profit that is subsidized by the city…meaning it is very political…meaning my husband stresses and talks about this all the time. These are things that happen year round and are magnified in the summer and around election time.
Now I know I will hear some backlash about how I should just be grateful that my husband has a job and that it is one he enjoys but it is hard people! It is hard to not see your husband as much as you would like. Husbands that work 9-5 Monday through Friday and have holidays off have it easy. My husband is gone 9:30- 7:30 on a GOOD day! Then summer hits and some days he will be gone 8-midnight. Then on top of all of that, it is difficult for him to take time to go on a vacation. I mean before we can plan ANYTHING he has to look at 3 different schedules from work. It is the shits! Have I even mentioned that because his company is a non-profit at anytime it could be gone? Have I even mentioned that because his company is a non-profit that he doesn’t get retirement benefits? Have I even mentioned that because his company is a non-profit it is VERY HARD for him to get a raise…or even a bonus? Have I even mentioned that 90% of the conversations my husband and I have revolve around his job? See how a wife can be freakin’ frustrated?!
SIGH! On another note, my yard is full of weeds. This could be because the summer has been a unusually hot one. This could be because I don’t want to stick my kid in a pack n’ play while I weed. This could be because my husband isn’t home early enough on weekdays to do anything and on weekends when he is home the last thing he wants to do is spend his family time working in the yard. Basically our yard looks like white trash. Good thing we are on a busy street and no one will notice.
Next, our kitchen floor is falling apart….literally! When my husband built the house they told him to seal the grout within the first year. Well, he didn’t. (Surprise!) Then he figured if it lasted a year he would be okay to do it within the next year. Well he didn’t get to it. Now 13 years later, the grout it breaking apart and the tiles are lifting. I mean you can pick the tiles up. Basically they are just sitting on the floor. It is really sad. The REALLY sad thing is it isn’t just our kitchen floor…it is 3 bathrooms and the tile by the back door, garage door, and front door. I haven’t seen anything going wrong in the basement kitchen but I am sure it is only a matter of time. This floor issue really drives me nuts! It is so embarrassing when company comes to visit to tell them, “Sorry our floor is falling apart.” I hit a tile the other day and fell. Beckham has cut his toe more than once on a loose tile and I have pulled grout out of his mouth on more than one occasion. Why can’t the floor be fixed already!? It has been like this for a year and a half. I remember telling Adam before Beckham was even born that I wanted to get it fixed so that we wouldn’t have problems when a kid was crawling around on it. Not done yet.
Another thing that really bugs me is our backyard. Besides the fact that it is slowly being taken over by weeds, it isn’t fenced in and we have a half finished deck. I know it is a bonus to have a fenced in yard but when you live on a busy street playing in the front isn’t really an option, especially with a puppy and a 1 year old. We have a park nearby but Max can’t be off her leash there. I want my backyard fenced in so bad. I want to be able to let Beckham and Max run around, but right now I am constantly herding them away from the neighbors house. Last fall, Adam’s dad offered to help him build a deck. Our backdoor is raised so we have to have something in order to use it. The original stairs that Adam put in when he was building the house had come detached and were very unsafe to use. We hadn’t used our backdoor for about 2 years so Adam jumped on the bonding opportunity with his dad and built the deck. Well this would have rocked if it got finished. Who knew decks were freaking expensive…not us when it was being started. We have a deck…but it doesn’t have any railings. Therefore Beckham can’t be out there because he would fall 2 feet to the ground. OH! And there are some screws that are sticking up. Don’t ask me why, I didn’t build it. We also have 4 10 feet high posts just sticking up…one day there will be a pergola. For now this really expensive deck isn’t something we can use. Smart huh!?
Up until recently I have been losing weight like crazy. I was hitting the gym daily, lifting weights, and eating clean. Recently I can’t get my butt out of bed early enough to get in gym time before Adam as to go to work. I don’t know why 7 am is so hard but it is. So I have been trying to do videos while Beckham naps. Why is it that as soon as I start a video either a. my phone rings or b. Beckham wakes up. Yesterday I stuck in a video and within the 60 minute video I got 2 phone calls, 6 texts, and Beckham woke up. I had to finish it after he was up and in a high chair. The 60 minute video took me 2 hours! I didn’t feel like it was a good workout. I didn’t get in any weights and then Beckham was up so I had to sit in sweat until I could shower and get ready. I HATE IT! I want to lose this horrible weight, feel great, and prepare my body for kid #2. Is that so much to ask?
Beckham has been starting this whining thing. I feel like he is whining all the time. I don’t know why. Please bless that terrible twos aren’t starting now! He whines when he eats. He whines when he plays. He whines in the car. AHHHHH! Then, he doesn’t listen. I tell him to not play with the decorative sticks (that I hate, for the record) and he will go over to them, smile at me, and then play with them. I tell him not to mess with the tv or dvd player and he will go over to it, look at me and smile, and push buttons. I tell him not to bang my makeup on the coffee table and he looks at me and does it. (Yes, I am doing my makeup in the family room. I can’t do it in the bathroom because then I can’t watch him. As seen above, there is no way to get it done when he sleeps.) I don’t get why he doesn’t listen. He gets his hands smacked or butt spanked (don’t judge…it is never hard) and he will still do it. I have even started giving him time outs…even though I know he doesn’t get what a time out is….but he still does whatever it is he isn’t supposed to. Little stinker!!
I will close this rant by mentioning that my house is a FREAKIN’ DISASTER! I feel like by the time I get up, get Beckham up and fed, workout, get ready, put Beckham down for 2 naps, make food, run errands, and whatever else HAS to be done there is no time to clean. Dishes are either in the sink or sitting clean in the dishwasher at all times. Dirty laundry is piled up in the bedroom while clean laundry sits on the floor outside the laundry room waiting to be put away. Bathrooms need to be cleaned. My falling apart kitchen floor needs to be cleaned. The carpets need a good cleaning. The floor needs to be vacuumed. The house needs to be dusted. This is just the top of the list. I haven’t even got to sheets need to be changed, clothes need to be hung up, and shoes need to be put away. I feel like we live in piles. Piles of clothes (clean and dirty), piles of mail and newspapers, piles of dishes, piles of junk on the bathroom counters, piles of piles!
Oh yeah…in the last month we have had 5 different people staying at our house. Now don’t get me wrong I never hate having visitors. It just makes it so I have to entertain them….thus pushing back weeding, cleaning my bedroom (the rest of the house can be clean but my bedroom is always the last thing to be done), exercise, eating right, and whatever else needs to be done.
AHHHH! When does life slow down for one second!? When do I get a chance to catch up? When does the bonus check come that allows us to fix the floor, fence in the yard, and finish the deck? When do I get a workout buddy that will force me to get out of bed and get to the gym…even at 7 in the morning? Why does life have to be so stressful? And if this isn’t stressful and this is normal how do I feel good about all this happening around me? How do I calm down and brush off this pile (imagine that!) of to do’s? When does my husband actually have time to spend at the house and with family and have a conversation that doesn’t revolve around his job?
Well…my kid is just waking up from his nap. HA! Imagine that!